I didn't do it.

Last week you may have seen my post about our house rabbit Bentley falling ill, sadly he didn't get better and on Friday morning he passed away.

I had never had a pet before him, my mum - very sanely - never allowed my brother or me to have one when we asked because she knew she would end up being the one caring for it when we got bored of the responsibility. Bentley was my first taster at responsibility and to say I was (am) devastated is an understatement. I am overwhelmed by how much of a hole he has left in our lives and I will - and do - miss him very much.

We bought Bentley in 2012 around May time, we happened to be browsing in a pet shop and spotted him on his own. My husband said we should get him when a sales assistant said no one wanted him because they couldn't be sure on his breed, he pointed out I had always said I would love a house rabbit. I was tempted but the sensible part of my brain said no because we had no clue how to take care of a rabbit, our flat was rented and we weren't allowed pets and it was an extra cost at a time when we weren't earning brilliant money and were always skint. We left the pet shop and drove back towards home. On the way, Patrick stopped at a 'Pets at Home' store and suggested we see how much the stuff for a rabbit costs and not wanting to argue I humoured him by saying OK. I was surprised that the food and hay wasn't too expensive as I had always assumed that all pets were mega expensive and when Patrick pointed out again that no one wanted that rabbit he pulled at my heart strings so we went back and got him.

On the way home I had him on my lap, his cardboard carry box open and he was sat bolt upright not moving or even blinking with nerves so I continually reassured him that he would be OK. Once back in our flat we let him out to run around and explore his new home while we set about putting his cage together and bunny proofing! I remember I texted my friend Nicola who had not long moved in upstairs and told her we had a new room mate and she immediately came down to meet him. She also looked after him for us on a few occasions too. Patrick named him Bentley, after a car he would love to own but knows he will never have(!).

Once he was six months old and neutered, we got him a little play mate - Peaches - who we adopted from a rabbit rescue. I had learnt that rabbits were social animals and loved company and because of us both being at work all day I felt bad for him being alone. We never had to carry out any of the advice that I had been given on bonding Bentley and Peaches (who I nicknamed 'Benches' yep, I know, I am hilarious) as soon as they saw each other they were friends and were inseparable. On the first night we kept them separate just to be cautious but there really wasn't any need and from then on, Bentley was happy and content with his new little soul mate.

Oh Haay.

Bentley was five when he died and in those five years, he saw us through a lot of different milestones such as moving house, changing jobs, becoming parents and entering our thirties just to name a few. His passing marks the end of a significant phase in our lives where we became 'proper grown ups'. We had been married about six months when we got him and now we will have been married six years in September, we rented a flat when we got him and now own our own house. He was the biggest responsibility we had ever had together when we brought him home that day and now we have a three year old daughter. I really had imagined him seeing a few more years with us and being there when Savannah started school next year as well as any other significant milestones that may come up.

I am so gutted he couldn't be saved. It was the first and only time he had fallen ill and he deteriorated so quickly. I really didn't believe he would die. Savannah understands that he isn't coming back but I don't think she quite understands why which I am happy with. I don't want to quash that childhood innocence just yet. She knows that Bentley got ill and fell asleep forever and became upset when we buried him as I think she still believed he would wake up. She was more upset that I was upset though and kept giving me cuddles which was lovely. I hope she remembers him when she is older.

Now we just have Peaches, I have been reading up on how to look after the surviving bunny so they don't get lonely. Luckily she is more the 'cuddly one' than Bentley was so she will welcome attention. I feel cruel but I won't get her a new companion, I just can't cope with the idea of losing another bunny again one day let alone another, then another....

So there we go, Bentley is gone. I never imagined this time last week when I was taking him to the vet that I would be writing this post. Pets really do creep into your heart and bury themselves deep don't they? I am so glad we did go back and get you from the pet shop that day little buddy. You made a massive impact on my life and I will miss you trying to steal my banana or nudging my leg for some attention. I will miss how nervous you were and how any unusual noise made you jump, I will miss our little stare outs and how you would binky about first thing in the morning and I will really miss watching you and Peaches snuggle up together.

Goodbye little bunna bun. Sleep well. I will never forget you. xxx

'Stick on Emmerdale would ya?'